The following is a list of frequently asked questions regarding everyone's favorite enlightened primate.

Q: Are you really a monkey?
A: No. Real monkeys can't type, nor do they have the intelligence to be a swami.

Q: Are you really a swami?
A: No. Just as monkeys do not possess the intelligence to be a swami, neither do I.

Q: If you ain't no monkey, then who are you?
A: To protect the lives of innocent people, my identity must always be kept confidential.

Q: So, if you aren't really a swami, what gives you the right to offer up advice to me?
A: I have a website. That makes me an expert.

Q; Do you really sit all crossed legged like the picture above?
A: No I do not. My legs would either fall asleep or my testicles would be crushed.

Q: Will you show my real name on your website if I send in a question?
A: Unless your question is so exceedingly stupid that no one will believe that anyone could be so feebleminded, I will not publish your true name. For instance, if your name happened to be Aaron Zane and your question involved something deeply personal like your sexual fantasies about bigfoot and Judy Jetson, I would not publish your actual name. Instead of your true name, I would use a false name such as Zane Aaron or A. Ron Zane.

Q: Do you throw poop at onlookers?
A: Only when I have to, my friend. Only when I have to....