If you've been reading my blog for the past few years, you've undoubtably read about Captain Alex. But who is this mysterious fellow? Is he a pirate? A soldier? Or just some dude that has the ability to put up with me at work. So read on and learn more about the human conundrum known as Captain Alex....

1) So, just why are you called Captain Alex, anyways? You're not even a real Captain are you?

Nope, Just a Halloween freak like yourself.

2) You seem to be nearly as twisted as I am? Why do you think this is so? At what point did your parents fail society?

Oh I can't blame my parents here, it's Pee Wee Herman's fault. I used to watch that freak on saturday mornings. I mean who really has a chair that can talk a floating green head named Giombi, a teridactly....wait this guy is still f@ck%ng cool...as long as he is on the other side of the TV screen.

3) Sometimes I get grouchy. Did you know that?

Well I didn't until you punched me in the back of the neck...now I do.

4) Whenever you find yourself in a bad mood, how do you snap yourself out of it? And why don't you just do that before you get all depressed to begin with?

I run and workout. Because it takes real motivation otherwise.

5) I've heard people who say that squirrels are nothing more than fuzzy tailed rats? What do you say to that?

I'd say eat the damn thing then you'd know the difference, geez some people are just stupid.

6) Alex, gas prices are still sky-rocketing, our sons and daughters continue to die in Iraq, and Nicolas Cage is making more movies. I'm not saying it's your fault....... but what do you recommend we do to fix these issues?

We need to start catching and collecting grasshoppers, yeah and if everyone pitches in, and we all at least hav.....Nope nevermind that won't freakin work, the logistics aren't there.

7) Ever gone down-town with Ellie Mae Brown?

So that's what there calling it these days? No comment.

8) Who'd win in a fight; Captain America, Captain Morgan, or Captain Kangaroo?

Duh - Captain Morgan he's a freakin drunk Pirate

9) Every time I go downstairs to my basement, I have to poop. Why?

Well, probably for the same reason I have to poop whenever I'm at Sears. I've actually read up on this, it has to do with the presence of tools. When I go to sears, I look at tools, whenever you go down to your basement you work with tools. Chemical particles embedded in Craftsman brand tools give off the unmistakable sensation. First, you Think "Man I could kinds use the restroom" but you don't budge, your either too involved in an idea or in fear of using the mall bathroom." Next your hands start to sweat, you try to round up the troops and get the hell out of sears, or in your case you just burrow down on your seat a little.  Finally the particles get the best of you and your swiping someone else's bad aim off the toilet seat...or in your case re-reading the same magazine that has been in your bathroom for the last month.  No matter how important your project is you must not rush a poop.

10) Ever try to control a girl with your mind?

Of course, and it never works, that's why I use duck tape and fire... Kidding geez 

11) You have teeth. Why do you think that should matter to the readers of this website? 

My Teeth are like a sharks, they grow in rows and come back if I lose one, So the readers shouldn't return any of my teeth they find, because chances are I have new ones now. Did I ever tell you I had 8 wisdom teeth and I'm on my third front tooth?

12) Pork or chicken? 

I never Chicken to pork....so umm pork.

13) Thirteen is unlucky! What do you say, lets just skip number thirteen. I s that okay with you? 

No, even a zero holds a place value....and what if 13 gets pissed? I mean what if things start happening to you in thirteens?  Say a rabid bat bites you 13 times and then stops? If you do not believe in thirteen you would have to make up a word to express to others what had just happened.  Hey Tommy a rabid bat just bit me pinkandoothfurty times! See, too complicated! Keep thirteen so the number gods don't get pissed. 

14) Whenever the devil went down to Georgia lookin' for a soul to steal, Johnny bet his soul for that fiddle of gold. Was that really a wise decision? I mean, what if Johnny had lost?! 

Everyone knows Johnny can't lose.

15) Elephants are bigger than lambs, and heavier too, right?

I can't believe you'd even ask this but here goes.....Of course not.

Maybe in popularity, a little dopey elephant named Dumbo made it big , as in famous, but as for sheer size and weight, we all know that lambs are bigger.

Don't believe me do you? Well take the Lambnana for example. What do you mean you don't know what that is? It's the only freaking huge yellow half Lamb half Banana sculpture there is, and it towers over any elephant.

Suck it Dumbo.

16) Quick! Name 3 things that you don't want anyone to know about you!  

My sister made me try on her wedding dress, In fourth grade I misspelled the word woman, and when I fart I never admit to it...unless its a contest.

17) Didn't work did it? Damn! 

Dammit it did

18) Do you believe in extra terrestrials? 

Not only do I believe in them I think I've felt them ... I mean  "Felt their presence"

19) The interview is almost over. Pretty cool, huh?

Well I'm not really getting to much done right now since I'm filling this out... Kidding

20) Any words of wisdom for young people? Something you wish you had known before you grew up?

Punch girls when your younger and you get away with it, you do it now and you'll go to jail. Kidding Geez!